Well, with all the very serious, researchy Sheldon-Cooper “Multi-Dimensional-Math” crap going on in “normal” science, it’s nice to know that a few health-technologists can get down to some Real Damn Business!
These intrepid code-monkeys have finally put those analytical chops to some good and,
Decoded the DNA of The world’s most popular Cocoa Beans!
So, perhaps like that other God-Among-Men, Jonas Salk, these warrior-poets will have aimed their PCM-Fu at an Actual Real Problem, and one day from the good of their own hearts, and for the benefit of all mankind,
delivered the Triple-Threat of: Cheaper, Better-Tasting, and quite-possibly Healthier Chocolate Bars!!!
*Note: They’re going to need a little time though, because as of yet, most of their efforts to cross-breed the best characteristics of different varieties have backfired in the Exactly-Opposite Direction. (Even if they only changed one letter, one one base-pair, on one gene, in the whole DNA strand.)
-Sort of like the “If They Mated”-sketch from “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”
JUMP BONUS!: Btw, it turns out that 2+ Years Ago, a different set of no-less-noble docs did the same thing;
They did it for
THE BEST-TASTING COCOA VARIETY IN THE WORLD!!!!
(it’s called Criollo, btw)
*And a good thing too, because Criollo [the Panda Bear of the chocolate world] doesn’t have a lot of genetic variety compared to other cocoas, it’s not great at resisting disease, it’s VERY rare, and doesn’t grow as well or as quickly as the other kinds, so it needs all the help it can get.
Thank God for Mars & Valrhona pitching in to make a lot of this happen!
JUMP BONUS 2!: “If They Mated” from an old episode of Conan: